Marriage starts after the wedding is over. While marriages are made in heaven, you still have to make them work on this planet. Majorly, marriages are beautiful, marriage is long-lasting; but no one ever told you that a marriage is also a ‘truckload of hard work’. Welcome to the real world, where love stories start after ‘the end’ and the stars of the film are not exactly ‘heroic’ in nature. The concept of marriage has undergone massive changes across generations. What might have been a ‘blissful’ state of togetherness for your grandparents, is ‘bondage’ to your parents, and what is considered ‘a match made in the stars’ according to your parent’s generation is simply ‘insane’ in your case.
With the freedom movement causing some major shifts in the dynamics of the nature of relationships, they are no longer what they are expected to be. Today, the ‘open formula’ is what works and sometimes you need to formulate one yourself. However, one aspect of marriage has always remained the same – the ‘baggage’ that it comes with. This is where marriage counselors come into the picture and the concept of marriage counseling has been brought into existence.
Topics Covered
What is Marriage Counseling and Relationship Therapy?
The process of allowing a couple to explore their horizons, limits, and setbacks in a series of ‘talk therapy’ is known as marriage counseling. While this is technically what starts it off, there is a lot more to marriage counseling than simply ‘talking it out’. Also known as ‘couple’s therapy’ marriage counseling is a psychotherapy that is placed to function in the areas that a certain couple happens to be ‘stuck’ in. However, how is a sophisticated term like ‘marriage counseling’ different from your best friends’ word of advice? Well, to start with, the approach is quite scientific.
There is a lot more to free online marriage counseling than what one perceives it to be. This is not a ‘living room’ at your neighbor’s where you get to abuse each other and get back to bed. This is a place where you are allowed the ‘freedom’ to carefully assess your problems by yourself. Both the participating partners are given infinite chances to self-reflect while maintaining a sound environment. Here, the main aim of the counselor is to ensure that a ‘productive’ outcome arrives out of the entire series of sessions. The counselor’s presence works like a tool in helping each partner sketch out their feelings, expectations, and what they wish for at the end of the horizon. Their presence is meant to behave like an ‘oil’ for the parts of the relationships that have rusted-out, to ensure a smooth-running thereafter. The conflicts that the couple might be facing are put to the table and allowed to be observed from each other’s point of view, rather than being magnified to unimaginable levels. The result of the therapy should be such that the individuals involved are saved, with their relationship being intact.
Different Stages of a Relationship
Cupid might have been blind when he strikes his arrow, as we get to witness the strangest of relationships. Some are so bizarre that one often wonders what makes it work, while the others are simply too ridiculous in their logic of solutions. However, one aspect remains the same throughout all the relationships, i.e the stages that a couple goes through.
- Passion: It all starts with the sparks and flames that are so hot that they have the power to burn anyone in between. This is the ‘passionate stage’ where the Cupid is having a field day shooting arrows all around. This is where they say that ‘love is blind’ as your partner is the perfect being to have ever been created. The hair is always good to look at, the face is irresistible, the manners are ‘oh-so-cute’ and you simply cannot keep your eyes off each other (and much more).
- Realization: With time, when the clouds of passion have drifted away, shines the sun of logic. Now, everything is in plain sight. How come you never noticed that he never brushes his teeth? Was she always so bossy? Why can’t he bathe more often? Why does she sound like your mother at times? How dare he eat on the bed? Why does she always have to clean the house? Well, now we know we are staring at strangers that we had fallen in love with. But where is the love gone?
- Rebellion: This is the stage where you feel as an individual that you need to put your individuality out there. It is the classic ‘battle of the sexes’ where you know you have to put in place your boundaries before you are wiped-off the face of this earth by your ‘lover’. You get into the ‘combat mode’ where it becomes more about yourself rather than the other person. This is the stage where the troubles start to brew and you finally get the ‘whiff’ of the storms approaching. Now, the ‘two bodies and one soul’ have split into ‘leaders of two tribes’ who want to mark their territories, for good.
- Cooperation: Once the battleground has been laid out, it grows into a series of fights and more fights. As this continues to grow and expand, the two love birds finally exhaust themselves. Now, is the time to ‘peace-out’ and put a few things into perspective. After all, too much fighting can drain you of your energy, balance, and stability. So, you start to put some rules in place where both the involved partners can have a ‘mid-way’ solution to the constant fights.
- Reunion: This is time to make up. Why fight when you can rather love each other? There is always scope for improvement. Meanwhile, it is a great idea to revive some of the old spark and try and fall in love once again. While this might be a task, it is always worth a try, after all, you were head over heels for each other at one point of time. Why not take a trip back on the old road and relive some of the great moments all over again? So, there are times when you cuddle, snuggle, and collapse in each other’s arms to feel the old warmth all over again. But this too is short-lived.
- Explosion: This is the time when nothing else matters other than your feelings. It has to be about yourself, your angle, your truth, and your life. Suddenly each partner feels as if they have been ruined by the other and their identities are wiped-off. You no longer smile, you are always in the fight-mode, nothing about the other partner excites you anymore and you feel as if you might suffocate if you breathe the same air as the other. The explosion stage is the exact opposite of that of passion, and yet similar, except the flames have been replaced by strong repulsive charges between the lovers.
- Completion: This is where you finally decide that something needs to be done in a civil manner. At this point you know you have nothing to lose and anything is better than the stage which you currently are at. After all the stages of the relationships have been experienced, now is the time to finally pick up the pieces and find out where you are headed. Enter, the counselor, who will try and ‘map-out’ the issue for you and help you rebuild your life.
What is the Motto of this Counseling?
Counselors are not gods or parents. They are experts in the field of human behavior with a mastered skill of analyzing the cause of a fallout. They are the ‘tools’ that you might need to weld together the broken pieces of your once-strong relationship. Every counselor aims to offer advice that can help the individuals involved. The series of sessions are designed to ensure you save your individuality, and be strong enough to save your relationship. The main motto of counseling is to revive the sense of happiness in one’s existence while making space for the significant other. You need to understand that life is more fun when there are ‘two to play together’. There is a lot more to a relationship, than simply ‘what do you want out of it?’
How Online Marriage Counseling can help you?
The world today has undergone a massive shift from traditional times. This is the age of the digital world where everything is available online. Likewise there are also websites dedicated to marriage counseling where you have available some of the leading licensed therapists. Some experts have had enough experience to help work out the distress in any relationship. Today, more and more couples are opting for online marriage counseling sessions as this is the need of the hour. While relationships are a private aspect of anyone’s life, to be able to guard one’s privacy in the same is only natural. This is where the online marriage counseling comes to picture. You no longer have to be worried about being noticed walking into the therapist’s office building and result in becoming a source of rumor for all to devour.
Lately, a large number of reputed websites have come into existence because the couples were simply not too comfortable to ‘visit in person’. With the online sessions, you are comfortable in your own space and time. This is the best way to stay discreet and have your problems solved as no one needs to know about your issues or about you getting help in the first place. Secondly, you could be in any part of the world and yet get access to some of the best therapists located elsewhere in the globe. Online marriage counseling can take place anytime and anyplace; you do not have to be in the same city for it to work for you. Thirdly, the online sessions also allow the couples to be able to speak their minds out more naturally, as this could be taking place from your living room itself. This offers the therapist a real-life picture of exactly what the problem looks like in the first place. Results have proved the online marriage sessions to be a huge success and continue to do so.
Different ways of Counseling Helps you in Different Cases
When speaking about counseling, one often gets a picture of an abusive partner or endless fights. While this might be true, however, there is more than one aspect where the counseling is used. This is not just a couple’s ‘thing’. There are homes, where the entire family is going through a rough patch. There are cases of perfect marriages that have been ruined by a flimsy act of infidelity. Also, there have been cases of divorce, simply because the partners could not communicate well enough. The experienced therapists are trained to help out with an exit plan where various issues are dealt with.
It could be the issue of child-rearing or the complete absence of it. There are also the perfect couples who have deep secrets that have been brushed under the carpet; only to emerge time and again to cause problems. A marriage counselor is a relationship expert, who is equipped with the right knowledge of how to help you ‘help yourself’. After all, no problem is unsolvable and nothing can be left unresolved. You simply need the will-power the dedication to make it work all over again.
The basic motive of counseling is to make a person realize the reason for the issue, rather than the ‘person’ involved in the issue. There are cases of infidelity and adultery that can be resolved if only you had the desire to make it work.
How does it work and helps individuals?
There are various aspects and manners in which marriage counseling works. This is a series of session where the involved partners are ‘shown the right perspectives to their issue’ This involves various steps:
- The agreement:
Both the participating adults or members should be able to agree upon choosing the common counselor they both can rely upon. This is also a great responsibility for the counselors, as they need to stay as neutral as possible to be able to offer the right solution to the ongoing problem. It is of great importance to stay as impartial as possible and strike the right balance between the couple.
- The Effective Communication:
Most of the time, it is the lack of communication that leads to the impending problem. A visit to the marriage counselor helps the participating individuals to be able to ‘find their voices’. These sessions and the entire setup of the counseling session brings to the table the problem that was never previously addressed. The counselor’s job is to offer couples an atmosphere of peaceful talks that are fruitful in finding a solution to their problems.
- The Right Combination:
There are times when couples therapy is not your cup of tea. There have been cases where the main issue was with just one of the partners. This is where the Individual therapy comes into play. These are individual sessions that are designed to ensure that you get the help you need within your own spaces. The counselor in this case, deals with just the concerned partner and offers the suggestions that need to be carried out in their individual capacity. This is the case where the single participating person needs to follow the right instructions and find out their solutions.
- The Maintenance:
This where the counselor has done their job and now, it is up to you to follow it. This includes a series of sessions of therapy where the couple needs to maintain the scheduled time for the sessions. This requires efforts from both sides to take regular trips to the sessions whether online or in-person and get regular follow ups. These sessions are to see how much you have progressed and where the results stand. This also includes following the advice and committing to the various exercises that have been assigned to the couple. This goes a long way in ensuring that the results are visible and much on their way to you.
How Marriage Counseling helps couples?
Seeking help in a relationship has been considered a taboo for the longest time ever. There are cases where the people have preferred to split-up rather than to go for help. Also, the useless involvement of friends and family has only led to more exaggerated effects that have only magnified the problem in the long run. What was supposed to work for you has been shown to backfire in more than one way.
This is where marriage counselors work their wonders. They offer you a neutral ground to speak out and solve your problems in a civil manner. It allows people to express themselves without the fear of being judged and written-off. The main aspect is the fact that couples should realize that not all marriages are problem-free. There are times when issues are too embarrassing to be addressed, forcing couples into silence. However, a good counselor will ensure that you are offered the right support when addressing an issue.
Conclusion
Marriage counseling has grown in its importance and relevance in the world today. With the growing number of divorces and relationship failures, it is only a matter of time when couples understand that they required counseling to save their relationship. Cases of successful counseling are many. There are happy couples who have gone ahead with their lives in the most positive manner. The concept of marriage counseling has grown to be an aspect of society today, where it is necessary to talk it out. With expert assistance and the right direction, problems related to marriage can be resolved sooner and couples can get back on track to revive their vows. The therapy also helps one understand their shortcomings as a person.
